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10 Ways to Nurture Your Child's Self-Worth
Simerpreet Ahuja • Jul 30, 2020

Carl Rogers, a humanistic psychologist, believed self-worth (or self-esteem) is how we think about ourselves. He believed our feelings of self-worth are important in developing our psychological health and in achieving goals and ambitions in life so that we may reach our optimum potential. Rogers believed feelings of self-worth develop in early childhood and are formed from the interaction of the child with the mother and father. As a child grows older, interactions with significant others will continue to affect feelings of self-worth.


Self-worth may be seen as a continuum from very high to very low.  According to Rogers (1959) the characteristics of a person with high self-worth are:

  • Confidence and positive feelings about themselves
  • Faces life challenges
  • Accepts failure and unhappiness
  • Is open with people
  • Is happy
  • Makes friends easily
  • Enjoys social activities
  • Is enthusiastic about new activities
  • Likes to be creative
  • Has their own ideas
  • Talks comfortably with others without much encouragement


The characteristics of person with low self-worth are:

  • Avoids challenges in life
  • Does not accept that life can be painful
  • Is unhappy
  • Is defensive and guarded with other people
  • Has few friends
  • Is easily frustrated or discouraged
  • Is unwilling to try new things
  • Has trouble following rules or behaving well
  • Is withdrawn or depressed


As parents, caregivers, teachers, and health professionals it essential to help boost children’s self-worth to encourage their optimal development.


Here are some tips to nurture your child’s self-esteem/self-worth:


Unconditional Love and Positive Regard

The most important thing is to show your child lots of love and acceptance for who they are. This affection and support shouldn’t be withdrawn if the child does something wrong or makes a mistake. 

Teach Them It’s Okay to Make Mistakes and Learn from Them
Help your child learn from their mistakes. Try to talk about their mistakes, pass on the message it’s okay to commit mistakes, teach them what can be done differently next time, and how they can control their own behavior.

Set Realistic Goals for Your Child
Focus on your child’s interests, abilities, capabilities, help them set goals according to their strengths, and guide them to be willing to do the things they want to do. Understand and respect who they are and their strengths and weaknesses.

Provide Clear Rules and Expectations
Communicate and enforce clear rules and limits that are right for your child’s age and developmental stage. Be clear about what you expect and what the effects will be if the rules are not followed. This makes your child feel safe and secure and they will eventually grow more confident about making their own decisions.

Appreciate Their Efforts and Support Them in Failures
Help your child discover the things they are good at and encourage them to pursue them. Help them understand the importance of efforts and not only accomplishments. Never humiliate or put down your child for not succeeding but, instead, support them.

Be a Role Model
Children learn from what you do rather than what you say or ask them to do. Show them how you deal with problems, how you react to them appropriately. Show your child the rewards of patience, hard work, and doing the best you can.

Provide Your Child with Responsibilities and Trust Them
Assign family chores or ask for help preparing dinner, arranging things at home, buying things for the home and trust your child’s choices and decisions. This teaches your child independence and resilience.

Provide Them with a Loving Family Environment
A safe and loving home environment makes your child feel relaxed, assured, and happy. It helps them understand the importance of family and values. Avoid fighting or arguing with your partner or family member in front of your child.

Set Boundaries and Respect Their Privacy
Setting physical and emotional boundaries is essential in relationships. Respect your child’s needs and privacy.

Show Interest in Your Child's Social Life

Know your child’s friends, social relationships, and interactions and help them deal with toxic relationships.


It is essential to understand that most people can achieve their goals, wishes, and desires in life if they acknowledge their self-worth and if they are provided with a conducive environment for its development. If you think something is hindering your child’s self-worth, talk to your mental health professional to see how they can help!

Written By: Simerpreet Ahuja, Clinical Therapist
Edited/Reviewed By: Dr. Stacy Lekkos, C. Psych.


References


Rogers, C. (1959). A theory of therapy, personality and interpersonal relationships as developed in the client-centered framework. In (ed.) S. Koch, Psychology: A study of a science. Vol. 3: Formulations of the person and the social context. New York: McGraw Hill.

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No matter how complex or simple it is, when you have a reason to do something, you are more likely to actually follow through with it. Remember to remind yourself why you want to focus on this area of your life. This will be particularly important when the going gets tough or if you fall victim of your previous routine way of functioning. Remember, meaningful change (in this case, sleep) does not happen overnight. Limit Blue Light Exposure Cutting out screen time before bed is one of the most effective ways to improve sleep quality. However, I’m fairly confident that most of you reading this will end the last moments of your night on a screen, whether it's a phone, computer, iPad, or the television. Throughout human evolution, humans evolved to be awake when the sun was up and to fall asleep when the sun went down. The problem with blue light specifically is that it has shown to stimulate the brain in areas that are active during alert day hours, disorienting the body’s natural preparation for sleep. Furthermore, blue light suppresses melatonin production (the hormone that makes you sleepy) and elevates cortisol (the hormone associated with stress ). Mariana Figueiro, PhD., found that two hours of screen time before bed displayed a suppression in melatonin levels in the brain (Figeuiro et. al., 2011). In fact, even when our eyes are closed, we have photo-receptors all over our skin that absorb light just as our retinas in our eyes would. Thus, having screens on anywhere around our sleeping areas is problematic. Tips to manage blue light exposure: Setting a screen time curfew Wearing blue light protective glasses Turn on blue light blockers on devices, i.e. phones and computers (f.lux and Nightshift are recommended for iOS users and Twilight for android users) Instead of watching TV, movies, or YouTube before bed, listen to a podcast or audiobook with the screen off or on sleep mode. Ensure your room is completely pitch black at night, with no lights on, curtains closed, and any technology still on should be covered. For those of you who sleep with a light on, it’s recommended to buy a red light for your bedroom. Not only do these look cool but red light on the visible light spectrum has been shown to have little to no effect on both melatonin and cortisol levels. This is hypothesized to be due to the fact that humans have evolved sleeping by fire throughout human history (Stevenson, 2016). Caffeine Consumption Before getting into what you can do to manage your caffeine consumption, let’s take a simplistic look at what caffeine actually does to the brain that impacts our sleep. During normal functioning hours, the brain slowly accumulates a chemical called adenosine that binds to receptors to slow down brain activity and make you feel tired. The longer you are awake, the more tired you feel. Where caffeine comes into play is that it is shaped very similarly to adenosine and it binds to brain receptors. When these receptors are blocked by caffeine instead of adenosine, this tricks the brain into thinking it's not tired. Caffeine has a half-life of about 6-8 hours. A standard cup of coffee has roughly 150g of caffeine in it. What this means is that after about 6-8 hours there is still about 75g of caffeine in your system. Therefore, the timing of your caffeine consumption is just as important as the quantity. With this being said, the best strategy involves setting a caffeine curfew in order to reduce the amount of caffeine in your system by bedtime. It is recommended to cut out all sources of caffeine approximately 8 hours before bed. This includes coffee, caffeinated teas, espresso, or any other source of caffeine. Change Your Mindset in Regards to Sleep Although the other two points mentioned will probably apply to most readers, this one was the most influential point towards improving my sleep. I associated sleep with a negative outlook, specifically with loss of time. I knew through research and extensive thought that if I was going to improve my quality of sleep I was going to have to change my mindset. That isn’t the easiest task, especially when you spend years of your life thinking you dislike something. Some things that I did that helped me with this was reinforcing my why . The more I thought about why I was addressing my sleep, the easier it became to desire wanting sleep. Once I slowly worked towards this, I found that my anxiety associated with loss of time began to reduce and I was able to associate sleep with a positive mindset. Meditate Mindfulness is the act of becoming aware in the present moment, without judgement. The practice of mindfulness through mindful meditation can provide an opportunity to create mental space at bedtime and to help you feel more relaxed. Mindfulness can also help you to cope with negative thoughts surrounding sleep and to help you shift your focus to your body and to be present. This technique is easily accessible by downloading free apps or using beginner guided sleep meditation videos on YouTube. Other Minor Tips to Improve Your Sleep Journaling is an excellent release before bedtime, especially if you are an over thinker. Letting out the thoughts on paper and getting them out of your head will allow you to focus more on sleep and less on what’s on your mind. Invest in a good mattress. As mentioned earlier, we are going to spend about one third of our lives sleeping so why not ensure that we get the best sleep possible? If you are not in an ideal financial situation at the moment, perhaps investing in a proper mattress isn’t realistic. For you, I suggest buying a memory foam topper or just a mattress topper. This is an inexpensive way to improve sleep quality. Sleep and wake at consistent hours. Our super complex yet lazy brain loves to work off of routines so do your brain a favour and go to bed and wake up around the same time. This will make the process easier on yourself and will make you less likely to give up from frustrations of not being able to accomplish what you set out to. Do not, and I repeat do not, do any work or eating or anything in your bed besides sleep. The brain works off of associations so don’t confuse your brain into thinking your mattress is an office, movie theater, or a kitchen table. This is just the beginning when it comes to ways to improve your sleep, as solutions often depend on one’s specific sleep challenges. However, trying any of these tips can be beneficial as improving our sleep is crucial to improving our physical and psychological well-being. Best of luck on your sleep journey and sweet dreams. Written By: Erik Michalik, M. Psy Candidate, BASc, Edited/Reviewed by : Chantal Legere, M. Psy References Figueiro MG, Wood B, Plitnick B, Rea MS. (2011) The impact of light from computer monitors on melatonin levels in college students. Neuro Endocrinol Lett .; 32(2):158-63. PMID: 21552190. Stevenson, S. (2016). Sleep smarter: 21 essential strategies to sleep your way to a better body, better health, and bigger success . New York, NY: Rodale Books. Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels
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