Emotional intelligence, also called Emotional Quotient or EQ, can be defined as the ability to understand and use emotions to reduce stress, communicate effectively, understand others, and defuse conflict. Developing emotional intelligence is imperative for our well-being. For more information about what Emotional Intelligence is, check out our article “What is Emotional Intelligence?”.
It’s one thing to understand what emotional intelligence is, but how do we build it?
Pay Attention
The first step to understanding what others are feeling, is to pay attention to what they’re trying to tell you, both verbally and non-verbally. Our body language, like the way we stand, our facial expressions, or even our eyes can carry a lot of meaning. Additionally, try your best to use active listening skills to understand what a person is saying before responding. Listen to understand rather than listening to respond. Doing all of these things prevents misunderstandings and shows the person you are speaking to that you respect them.
Practice Empathy
Paying attention helps us to pick up on other’s emotions but we also need to be able to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes in order to really understand their perspective. Empathy, or the ability to understand another’s emotions, is the building block of all of our relationships. Use questions to ask more about how others are feeling, and ask for clarification when you don’t understand. Respect the feelings of others, even if you disagree, and avoid making statements that may come across as judgmental. Instead, imagine how you would feel in their situation.
Practice Self-Awareness
Becoming more self-aware allows us to learn how to better manage our emotions. The more we know about our feelings, the easier they are to manage. Take time to reflect on how your emotions influence your behaviour and ask yourself why you’re feeling the way you are. Using mindfulness to take time to look at each situation in different ways can help us to become more aware of the thoughts and actions that impact our feelings. Try to look at what stresses you out and be proactive to have less of it in your life.
Ask for Feedback
Consider asking your friends or family how they think you respond to situations, how you handle conflict, or if they feel understood by you. Obtaining this feedback from people close to you can help you understand the areas in which you can grow.
Emotional intelligence isn’t something you develop once; it’s a lifetime practice. The above suggestions are merely a starting point on this lifetime journey of growth.
Written By: Chantal Legere, M. Psy. Candidate, B.A. (Hons)
Edited/Reviewed by: Dr. Stacy Lekkos, C. Psych
References
Cherry, K. (2020). How Emotionally Intelligent Are You? Retrieved from
https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-emotional-intelligence-2795423
Dhanshree. (2020). Emotional Intelligence. Retrieved from https://medium.com/invisible-illness/emotional-intelligence-4fbc056c5a3
Golhar, A. (2018). 10 Ways to Increase Your Emotional Intelligence. Retrieved from https://www.inc.com/young-entrepreneur-council/10-ways-to-increase-your-emotional-intelligence.html
Harvard Professional Development. (n.d.). How to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence. Retrieved from https://blog.dce.harvard.edu/professional-development/how-improve-your-emotional-intelligence
Manson. (n.d.). 5 Skills to Help You Develop Emotional Intelligence. Retrieved from
https://markmanson.net/emotions/emotional-intelligence-skills
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