“Strive for continuous improvement, instead of perfection” - Kim Collins
Perfectionism is the tendency to set very high, and even impossible, standards for oneself. These standards often cannot be met or are only met with great difficulty (Anxiety Canada, 2020). Individuals who struggle with perfectionism tend to believe that anything short of perfection is unacceptable and even minor imperfections can lead to serious psychological discomfort such as stress and anxiety.
Individuals who struggle with perfectionism, often called perfectionists, are more likely to perceive their self-worth based on how much they are achieving in life. As a consequence, they may focus on information in their environment that is perceived as evidence of failure (e.g., low grades, receiving negative feedback). Perceiving themselves in this negative way often causes negative thinking patterns, which serve to maintain the importance of attaining extremely high standards.
How does perfectionism develop?
Low Self-Esteem
Self-esteem can be described as a person’s sense of self-worth or value. Individuals with low self-esteem are more likely to seek external validation and more likely to be self-critical. When seeking external validation, perfectionistic individuals may work extremely hard to please others. Unfortunately, this focus on pleasing others can be very time consuming, which leaves minimal time for the individual to focus on self-growth and self-care.
One of the ways to improve self-esteem is to practice self-compassion. Developing the capacity for self-compassion may lead to less self-criticism and judgement. The following resource is a good starting point to discover self-compassion:
https://self-compassion.org/the-three-elements-of-self-compassion-2/
Additionally, check out of blog on Self-Compassion
here.
Childhood Experiences
Being raised in a household with parents or caregivers who place a great deal of value on success may lead to perfectionistic tendencies, particularly if success is reinforced with primary reinforcers, such as affection and praise. In these circumstances, individuals learn to associate success with positive attention and thus, will often go to great lengths to achieve perfection in every activity in which they engage.
Optimal psychological well-being is achieved through nurturing environments. In order to decrease the risk of perfectionism, parents can help children by looking at mistakes as lessons to be learned rather than failures and by avoiding labelling situations as “failure” and “success.” Lastly, it is incredibly important to allow children to openly communicate their fears and insecurities.
Having an All-or-Nothing Mentality
All-or-nothing thinking is the tendency to focus on absolutes; such as always and never. Individuals with this type of mentality believe that there is specifically one right and one wrong way to do things, with no grey area in between. This thought process often leads to setting unrealistically high standards and leaves no room for alternatives. When these standards are not met, the perfectionistic individual may engage in problematic behaviours such as avoidance, confrontation, and anger. All-or-nothing thinking can also lead to negative thoughts (e.g., “I always make mistakes” or “I never do anything right”), which can contribute to the development of low self-esteem and increase the risk for psychological disorders.
While we may be tempted to strive for perfection, this striving often leads us to feeling inferior or not good enough. Although there are several ways that perfectionism can develop, this tendency almost always leads to disappointment,
stress,
anxiety, and can increase the risk for mental health problems.
If you are currently struggling with perfectionism or perfectionistic tendencies,
contact us to see how we can help.
Written By: Angela D’Unian, M.Psy, R.P.
Edited/Reviewed by: Chantal Legere, M. Psy. and Dr. Stacy Lekkos, C. Psych
References
Anxiety Canada (2020). How to overcome perfectionism. Retrieved from https://www.anxietycanada.com/articles/how-to-overcome-perfectionism/
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