“Self-compassion entails being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we are suffering, failing, or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain or flagellating ourselves with self-criticism” (Neff, 2020).
In other words, self-compassion is treating yourself with kindness, comfort, and acceptance when dealing with a loss, defeat or rejection. Some people find it extremely difficult to show themselves compassion out of fear of being selfish. However, when it comes to truly appreciating one’s self, self-compassion is necessary.
What Self-Compassion is Not
In order to practice self-compassion, we first need to understand what self-compassion is not.
Firstly, self-compassion is not self-pitying.
Individuals who engage in self-pity often pity themselves by focusing solely on their own problems and often forget that others have problems as well. On the other hand, a compassionate person accepts their own pain along with the pain of others.
Secondly,
self-compassion is not self- indulgence. As humans, we have an innate ability to overindulge ourselves; therefore, it’s understandable why people are afraid to show themselves compassion. Self- indulgence is when an individual “allows themselves to have anything they want or do anything without restrain” (Neff, 2020). However, a compassionate person is self-disciplined, sets personal boundaries, and knows their limits.
Thirdly, self-compassion is not self-esteem. Self-esteem is based on our sense of self-worth and our personal values whereas, self-compassion is a feeling all human beings must feel for themselves. Self-compassion is not self-esteem as no self-evaluation is involved (Neff, 2020).
Why is Self-Compassion Important?
Self-compassion has many benefits and it is often accompanied by empowerment and encouragement. When we are confronted with challenging times, self-compassion can prevent us from engaging in self-criticism or judgment. Additionally, self-compassion can help us to recognize discomfort and allows us to respond to ourselves with kindness. The purpose of self-compassion is to build resilience and learn skills helpful in facing difficult situations.
Overall, self-compassion can help decrease the occurrence of mental health issues such as
anxiety,
depression, insecurity, low
self-esteem, and social comparison because those who practice self-compassion often feel more connected to themselves and others.
How Do We Increase Self-Compassion?
Here the six ways to increase self- compassion:
Practice Forgiveness
Self-compassion and forgiveness go hand in hand as they help to decrease the negative labels and blame that we place on ourselves. Allowing ourselves to experience this forgiveness frees us from these labels and allows us to be our authentic selves, feel less depressed, and feel more loving toward others. Additionally, self-compassion helps us accept that though we are imperfect, we are worthy human beings (Ohlin, 2020).
Create a Positive Space in Your Mind
Self-compassion does not necessarily mean experiencing good feelings all the time. However, self-compassion is mindfully accepting that moments can be painful and responding to ourselves with kindness in those moments. Changing your mindset can turn what would typically be thought of as failures, mistakes, and suffering into life lessons and moments of growth.
Expressing Self-Gratitude
When we can enjoy what is good about ourselves while acknowledging that we also have weaknesses and room to grow, we allow ourselves to appreciate our inherent goodness, without becoming arrogant or overconfident (Neff, 2019). Additionally, gratitude helps us to avoid comparing ourselves to others and allows us to appreciate what we have (Ohlin, 2020) and who we are.
Be Kind to Yourself
Practicing self-compassion allows us to become aware of our own needs and wants and gives us a chance to show ourselves some generosity (Ohlin, 2020). How would you treat a friend? Would you say the things you say to yourself to a close friend? How might things change if you responded to yourself in the same way that you would to your best friend?
Practice Mindfulness
Practicing mindfulness or mindful meditation can be a helpful tool in allowing us to decrease self-judgment and increase self-compassion. You can practice a simple breathing meditation by focusing on your breathing. When you breathe in, become aware of what you're thinking and feeling in the moment. When you breathe out, let the pain and negative thoughts and feelings go. As you breathe in again, try to replace the negative thoughts with compassionate phrases or positive affirmations.
Use Affirmative Language
Here are some examples of compassionate phrases you can tell yourself to help increase self- compassion and quiet your inner critic.
Self-compassion is calling on you to love, respect, cherish, and value yourself.
Written By: Keritha Andrews, B.A. M. Psy Candidate
Edited/Reviewed by: Chantal Legere, M. Psy. and Dr. Stacy Lekkos, C. Psych
References
Moore, Catherine (2020). How to practice self-compassion: 8 Techniques and Tips. Retrieved from https://positivepsychology.com/how-to-practice-self-compassion/
Neff, Kristin (2020).
Self-Appreciation: The Flip Side of Self-Compassion.
Retrieved from
https://self-compassion.org/self-appreciation-the-flip-side-of-self-compassion/
Neff, Kristin (2020).
What Self- Compassion is? The three elements of self- compassion. Retrieved from
https://self-compassion.org/the-three-elements-of-self-compassion-2/#definition
Neff, Kristin (2020).
What self- compassion is not.
Retrieved from
https://self-compassion.org/what-self-compassion-is-not-2/
Neff, Kristin. D, Dahm, Katie. A. (N.D).
Self- Compassion: what it is, what it does, and how it relates to mindfulness.
Retrieved from
https://self-compassion.org/wp-content/uploads/publications/Mindfulness_and_SC_chapter_in_press.pdf
Ohlin, Brigit (2020, October, 13). Five Steps to Develop Self-Compassion and Overcome Your Inner Critic.
Retrieved from
https://positivepsychology.com/self-compassion-5-steps/
Thebert, Tamara (2019, June 17th). Self- Compassion. Retrieved from https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/self-compassion
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