We’re approaching our third month of quarantine and many people have noticed behavior patterns of regression in themselves and their children. With the current climate of uncertainty, our brains are in “survival mode”, prioritizing short-term thinking over higher-level brain functioning. Regression is a term Sigmund Freud used to define a return to earlier stages of development, or a return to a time in our lives when we felt safe and protected (Encyclopedia Britannica, 2020). Regression is a defense mechanism used by children and adults during stressful times.
Regression is a self-protecting mechanism and a normal reaction to stress that occurs during significant times of change (Grose, 2020). Some typical regression behaviors for children include setbacks in toileting, an increase in tantrums, becoming more clingy, not wanting to dress or feed themselves, and having a variety of sleep disturbances - sounds like behaviors not just typical of children these days! (Grose, 2020). Furthermore, these may be signs that your child needs more support and attention (Grose, 2020).
Here are some ways to respond to regression behaviors:
Try to stick to the “regular routine” to bring a sense of normalcy.
Routines are especially important for children in order for them to learn, grow, and practice self-regulation. It’s also crucial to remind your children that, although the world has changed a lot and that change can be difficult, that not everything has changed, and that you are in it and adapting together. Continuing Friday night pizza nights, for example, can bring a sense of comfort and normalcy (Markham, n.d.).
Respond with comfort to help your children feel emotional and physical reassurance.
Regression is a survival mechanism that is often unconscious and involves your child behaving and reacting based on their feelings and not on logic. This is not “bad behavior” but your child’s only way to show you they are feeling overwhelmed. Positive reinforcement, rather than shaming, scolding, or nagging, involves responding to your child’s reactions to high-stress situations with understanding, patience, compassion and nurturing. Positive reinforcement is known to be very effective. It validates the child’s feelings, increases feelings of safety, encourages the child to express themselves and teaches the child, by working together as a parent-child team, to understand their needs and how to meet them. You might say, “I know that this might feel scary or overwhelming”, or “I imagine you’re sad that you don’t get to play with your friends today” and encourage them to engage in self-regulating activities. Together you might spend more time playing inside and outside, spend more time winding down before going to bed, and figure out ways your child can stay connected to their friends such as through video chats, drawing a picture, or writing an email (Griffin, n.d.).
Go easy on yourself as a parent and allow transitions to be delayed.
It is understandable to be frustrated and stressed in this situation and it is not necessarily a reflection of your parenting. You are a human being and in order for you to model calmness for your children, you need to be kind to yourself, too. It is okay to prioritize certain disruptions in your lives and to delay transitions like moving to a big kid bed or potty training, for a few months. Dr. Aaron E. Carroll, M.D (Grose, 2020) reminds parents not to be judgmental and that we are all finding our own ways of getting through this time.
“There is nothing more valuable than giving them a hug and letting them know you’ve got them and it’s all going to be okay.” (Marcoux, 2020)
How are you going to reassure your children during this time?
Written by: Anna Bonato, M. Psy Candidate, B.A.
Edited/Reviewed by: Dr. Stacy Lekkos, C. Psych
References
Are Your Kids Suddenly Regressing? Yes, it's the Pandemic. Here's what to do. (n.d.). Retrieved May 04, 2020, from https://www.ahaparenting.com/ask-the-doctor-1/regression-coronavirus-pandemic
Griffin, J. L. (n.d.). Resources for Supporting Children's Emotional Well-being during the COVID-19 Pandemic. Retrieved June 23, 2020, from https://www.childtrends.org/publications/resources-for-supporting-childrens-emotional-well-being-during-the-covid-19-pandemic
Grose, J. (2020, April 15). Why Is My Big Kid Acting Like a Toddler? Retrieved May 04, 2020, from https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/15/parenting/coronavirus-child-regression.html
Marcoux, H. (2020, April 09). Why your big kid wants to be a 'baby' right now. Retrieved May 04, 2020, from https://www.mother.ly/news/child-regression-during-the-coronavirus-pandemic
Markham, L. (n.d.). Why Kids Need Routines. Retrieved June 23, 2020, from https://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/family-life/structure-routines
The Editors of Encyclopedia Britannica. (2020, January 31). Defense mechanism. Retrieved May 04, 2020, from https://www.britannica.com/topic/defense-mechanism
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