Many of us have been stuck at home for several weeks now. For a lot of us, physical distancing means being in a confined space with our spouse or partner. While it may have been fun for the first few weeks, it can also be overwhelming to manage amidst all of the other stressors in our lives. Not only is this situation making us feel stuck at home, but it can also make us feel ‘stuck’ in our relationships. Now that we’ve seen that quarantine efforts in China resulted in a spike in divorce applications, it’s incredibly important to focus on what we can do during this time to make our relationships stronger.
Here are 8 tips to nourish your relationship during this time:
Accept That It’ll Be Hard
Let’s face it, this is unchartered territory for all of us. This is not how we’re used to living and definitely not how we’re used to operating within a relationship. We’re all dealing with stress in our own way and it’s likely that arguments will happen. It can be helpful to recognize that you’re both dealing with stress and uncertainty at this time, so it’s likely that your partner isn’t intentionally trying to annoy you or make you upset. Try to be more patient with yourself and your partner.
Set Ground Rules
Setting boundaries and letting your partner know what you need during this time is essential. Maybe this is a physical boundary where they don’t interrupt you during work hours or an emotional boundary stating that you won’t talk about the news during dinner. Whatever it is, boundaries are crucial to communicating with one another. Annoyed that there are crumbs all over the counter? Make an agreement with your partner to keep the kitchen clean. We also need to make sure those boundaries apply to time spent together. Let your partner know that they are a priority to you by putting down your phone or laptop when your work is finished. For more information about boundaries, see Dr. Nicole Daniels’ article, “Keeping Healthy Boundaries with Your Family During Quarantine”.
Plan Time Apart
None of us are meant to be surrounded by people 24/7. Having time by ourselves helps us to process the things that happen during our day, check-in with how we’re feeling, and focus on solo activities that we enjoy. Try to build alone time into each day whether it’s taking a walk, listening to music, or doing any activity you enjoy.
Plan In-Home Dates
Just because we can’t go out, doesn’t mean that the romance has to stop. Create a special time where you tune out the world and tune in to each other. Whether it’s cooking a meal together or going for a romantic walk, take time to focus on your love for each other and the qualities that brought you together in the first place. Embracing a sense of ‘togetherness’ will help your partner feel loved, special, and less alone through this crazy time.
Communicate!
We all know that communication is the most foundational piece in every relationship. In times of increased stress and anxiety, direct and clear communication is crucial. Couples should sit down and discuss each person’s needs during this time and what things are helpful for them. Asking what each other wants their routine and schedule to look like will communicate understanding but also allow both parties to set boundaries throughout the day.
Socialize Outside of Your Relationship
Talking to others outside of our relationship can help us process experiences, gain perspectives, as well as just feel a sense of community. This also makes it so we’re not dumping all of our stress and worry on our partner all of the time. We all need a break sometime and having support outside of a relationship when things get tough is critical. Even though we’re physically distant from our friends, it’s incredibly important to stay connected with them.
Check-In with Your Partner
Check-in with your partner on a regular basis to see how they’re coping with quarantine and give extra attention to their mood. Everyone is unique and will react to these circumstances differently. Remember that no one is perfect and try not to take it personally if your partner’s behaviour has been a little off lately. If you’re concerned that you’ve upset them, ask them calmly and directly, making sure to use “I” statements. (e.g. Hey, I just wanted to check in with you. I think that I may have done something to upset you and wanted to talk to you about it.)
Check Yourself
This is a trying time for all of us and it can feel like our mood is all over the place. When you feel like shouting at your partner or criticizing them, take a minute to take a step back. Remind yourself that you are both doing your best amidst the circumstances and try not to take things personally. It’s also really important to focus on the things that make you happy, practice gratitude, and make a point to say thank you to each other.
What things are you doing right now to nourish your relationship?
Written by: Chantal Legere, M.Psy Candidate, B.A. (Hons)
Reviewed/Edited by: Dr. Stacy Lekkos, C. Psych
References
Boissiere, E. (2020, March 20). COVID-19 Lock Down: How To Manage Your Relationships In Tight Quarters. Retrieved from https://www.forbes.com/sites/erikaboissiere/2020/03/19/covid-19-lock-down-how-to-manage-your-relationships-in-tight-quarters/#298e933910b9
Brown, J. (2020, March 24). COVID-19 Doesn’t Have to End in Divorce. Retrieved from https://www.fatherly.com/love-money/relationships/divorce-proof-marriage-coronavirus/
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