Blog Layout
Keeping Healthy Boundaries with Your Family During Quarantine
Dr. Nicole Daniels • March 30, 2020
Over the past weeks, we’ve been urged to practice physical (social) distancing and stay contained within our homes to slow down the spread of COVID-19. For many, this quarantine task is difficult. We miss interacting with friends, going to work, enjoying civil liberties like going shopping or out to eat and just engaging freely in everyday life. This pandemic is part global epidemic and part social experiment. Being contained in our quarters brings about a new source of anxiety and frustration, exposing us to the triggers we usually leave the house in order to avoid. Think of the reality shows that we watch such as The Real World or Big Brother. People with different personalities come together in a small space, with no way out. Our quarantine is similar to Big Brother as we are joined together with our families in our homes and our only real link to the outside world is the media. We are shown the “big brother” persona feeding us fear-mongering paraphernalia (i.e., almost everything on television and social media is about COVID-19). Additionally, we have to deal with all the challenges that will undoubtedly arise when we are literally confined to our homes, with our families, around the clock. All the while, our typical forms of escapism are taken away. Of course, drama ensues and simple things like, “Who left crumbs in the toaster?” create a four day fight which ends in tears and shouting. We are now living in a real life Big Brother TV show, sans the cameras.
I understand that I am exaggerating the situation; however, I’m doing it to make a point (hyperbole). It is a difficult feat to be stuck within the confines of four walls with stressed-out individuals who are panicking about our mortality and the state of the world. It’s even harder when those stressed-out people are the ones we love. I’ve seen several sides of the spectrum. The individual plagued by hypochondriasis, who is panicking while glued to the TV and social media and fearful of stepping outside their door. The angry hostile conspiracy theorist thinking this is all an over-reaction. The middle ground individual trying to keep everyone together yet crumbling on the inside as they are absorbing every emotion like a sensitive sponge. How do we survive in this social experiment?
The most important thing: BOUNDARIES. Physical boundaries are important when we are practicing social/physical distancing for our physical health and energetic boundaries are important for our emotional health. We are going to be triggered; this is inevitable. We are used to our typical forms of escapism or distraction to ground and neutralize us. When triggered in your house by family (whether it be by spoken or unspoken words), remove yourself from the situation. Find a safe room, a safe space, or go outside (yes you can still go outdoors, we need vitamin D for our immunity!). Take 5-10 deep breaths and think of something that is calming or comforting to you. When you go back into the situation and emotions have dialed down, communicate what you need during this time. Have compassion for each other. When speaking, keep in mind everyone is stressed and anxious; hence they will have difficulty thinking rationally or responding reasonably. During a time of calm it is important to communicate our needs (verbally or written). When people lose rational thought that’s your cue to remove yourself from the situation. Rather than fight to be right, coincide to be harmonious (even if you are right, the other person likely cannot recognize it so it’s a waste of precious energy).
We cannot change our families but we can try to control how we react. In this new world, we are losing control which is another fear, triggering our anxieties. That’s why we stick glued to our TVs for news, “If I know everything then I can control what happens”. Some things are out of our control and we need to accept that. It takes time and practice to learn to let go of certain emotions and even then we have moments where we can’t. That’s ok. We spiral into chaos when we lose control. To regain some stability in your life create a routine and adhere to it. Keep the same wake/sleep time, eat at regular intervals, exercise, and set aside hours to do work or something you enjoy. If you adhere to a schedule it’s easier to maintain proper boundaries and perhaps those around will do the same, as you lead by example.
Lastly is the importance of unplugging and connecting. Create a specific time where you all disconnect from social media and connect with each other (or yourself). Play a game, listen to music, create art, or stay in the same room together while you read independently. Bring joy and humour back into your household. If you de-escalate the tension, you decrease the overall stress of the environment. And if you are triggered by your family that is just a sign that there is unresolved trauma that needs to be addressed (pay attention to your words and what meaning is in them as that’ll clue you into what you are holding on to). Keep communicating, keep your boundaries, keep your compassion, and keep your sense of humour. That way you can keep from spiraling out of control!
Decreasing anxiety and anger, and practicing mindfulness techniques are very helpful in learning to let go of painful emotions. Increasing self-esteem and assertiveness can help you to learn how to establish healthy boundaries and improve your relationships with others.
Written by Dr. Nicole Daniels, N.D.
Reviewed/Edited by Dr. Stacy Lekkos, C. Psych
Photo by August de Richelieu from Pexels
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is a widely used approach in mental health care that focuses on the connection between thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. It may offer individuals valuable tools for managing stress and anxiety. By exploring how these elements interact, CBT aims to help people understand and modify patterns that contribute to their distress. The importance of managing stress and anxiety cannot be overstated, as these conditions can significantly impact overall well-being and quality of life. CBT addresses these issues by helping individuals recognize and change negative thought patterns and behaviours. Through cognitive restructuring and behavioural activation, patients can work on altering unhelpful thinking and engaging in positive behaviours. Cognitive restructuring involves identifying and challenging distorted thoughts, while behavioural activation encourages participation in rewarding activities to counteract depression and anxiety. These methods may empower individuals to handle challenges better and improve their mental health. Understanding how CBT can be integrated into personal care routines may benefit those seeking to enhance their psychological well-being. How CBT Addresses Stress and Anxiety Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) offers valuable strategies for addressing stress and anxiety. By identifying and challenging negative thought patterns related to stress, CBT helps individuals recognize how these thoughts can contribute to their stress levels. Techniques such as cognitive restructuring aim to change these stress-inducing thoughts, while behavioural interventions work to modify the behaviors that often accompany stress. For instance, someone overwhelmed at work might learn to break tasks into manageable steps and develop healthier work habits through CBT. When managing anxiety, CBT can be particularly effective in reframing anxious thoughts. Through techniques like exposure therapy, individuals gradually face their fears in a controlled manner, which can reduce anxiety over time. CBT sessions often teach coping strategies and skills that help individuals manage their stress in various situations, such as deep breathing exercises or structured problem-solving. The benefits of CBT for stress and anxiety include a better understanding of personal thought patterns and the development of effective coping strategies. This approach may offer long-term relief from stress and anxiety by equipping individuals with the tools to handle their challenges more effectively. Consulting with psychologists in Toronto can provide further insights into how CBT may support personal mental health goals. Consulting with a Psychologist Consulting with a psychologist for cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) can provide valuable support in managing stress and anxiety. During your first CBT session, you may discuss your concerns and goals with the psychologist, who will work with you to develop a treatment plan. This plan may include strategies to address negative thought patterns and behaviours contributing to your stress and anxiety. Finding a qualified psychologist in Toronto, such as those at Toronto Psychologists, can be a crucial step in accessing effective CBT. In summary, CBT may offer significant benefits for managing stress and anxiety by providing a structured approach to understanding and changing unhelpful thought patterns and behaviours. If you are considering CBT, consulting with a psychologist may be a helpful next step in finding personalized support and exploring how this therapy can work for you.
When an individual expects something to happen, many processes go on in our brains and bodies to meet these expectations.
Let’s put something into perspective here: each day consists of 24 hours. Of those, it is recommended that each person sleep approximately eight hours per night. According to these numbers, we spend one third of our entire lives asleep, yet for some reason the majority of us are choosing to ignore the importance of this inevitability. Sleep alone can improve our stress , memory functioning, alertness, mood, immune system, hormone functioning, and weight, to name a few. There are no quick fixes or super pills anyone can take for instant success but sleep is truly one of the closest natural aspects we can improve on in order to benefit almost EVERY aspect of our lives. So what can we do to improve our sleep? Define Your Why A recurring theme when deciding to make changes in our lives is defining our ‘why’. Any meaningful action requires meaning or purpose for it to be achieved. No matter how complex or simple it is, when you have a reason to do something, you are more likely to actually follow through with it. Remember to remind yourself why you want to focus on this area of your life. This will be particularly important when the going gets tough or if you fall victim of your previous routine way of functioning. Remember, meaningful change (in this case, sleep) does not happen overnight. Limit Blue Light Exposure Cutting out screen time before bed is one of the most effective ways to improve sleep quality. However, I’m fairly confident that most of you reading this will end the last moments of your night on a screen, whether it's a phone, computer, iPad, or the television. Throughout human evolution, humans evolved to be awake when the sun was up and to fall asleep when the sun went down. The problem with blue light specifically is that it has shown to stimulate the brain in areas that are active during alert day hours, disorienting the body’s natural preparation for sleep. Furthermore, blue light suppresses melatonin production (the hormone that makes you sleepy) and elevates cortisol (the hormone associated with stress ). Mariana Figueiro, PhD., found that two hours of screen time before bed displayed a suppression in melatonin levels in the brain (Figeuiro et. al., 2011). In fact, even when our eyes are closed, we have photo-receptors all over our skin that absorb light just as our retinas in our eyes would. Thus, having screens on anywhere around our sleeping areas is problematic. Tips to manage blue light exposure: Setting a screen time curfew Wearing blue light protective glasses Turn on blue light blockers on devices, i.e. phones and computers (f.lux and Nightshift are recommended for iOS users and Twilight for android users) Instead of watching TV, movies, or YouTube before bed, listen to a podcast or audiobook with the screen off or on sleep mode. Ensure your room is completely pitch black at night, with no lights on, curtains closed, and any technology still on should be covered. For those of you who sleep with a light on, it’s recommended to buy a red light for your bedroom. Not only do these look cool but red light on the visible light spectrum has been shown to have little to no effect on both melatonin and cortisol levels. This is hypothesized to be due to the fact that humans have evolved sleeping by fire throughout human history (Stevenson, 2016). Caffeine Consumption Before getting into what you can do to manage your caffeine consumption, let’s take a simplistic look at what caffeine actually does to the brain that impacts our sleep. During normal functioning hours, the brain slowly accumulates a chemical called adenosine that binds to receptors to slow down brain activity and make you feel tired. The longer you are awake, the more tired you feel. Where caffeine comes into play is that it is shaped very similarly to adenosine and it binds to brain receptors. When these receptors are blocked by caffeine instead of adenosine, this tricks the brain into thinking it's not tired. Caffeine has a half-life of about 6-8 hours. A standard cup of coffee has roughly 150g of caffeine in it. What this means is that after about 6-8 hours there is still about 75g of caffeine in your system. Therefore, the timing of your caffeine consumption is just as important as the quantity. With this being said, the best strategy involves setting a caffeine curfew in order to reduce the amount of caffeine in your system by bedtime. It is recommended to cut out all sources of caffeine approximately 8 hours before bed. This includes coffee, caffeinated teas, espresso, or any other source of caffeine. Change Your Mindset in Regards to Sleep Although the other two points mentioned will probably apply to most readers, this one was the most influential point towards improving my sleep. I associated sleep with a negative outlook, specifically with loss of time. I knew through research and extensive thought that if I was going to improve my quality of sleep I was going to have to change my mindset. That isn’t the easiest task, especially when you spend years of your life thinking you dislike something. Some things that I did that helped me with this was reinforcing my why . The more I thought about why I was addressing my sleep, the easier it became to desire wanting sleep. Once I slowly worked towards this, I found that my anxiety associated with loss of time began to reduce and I was able to associate sleep with a positive mindset. Meditate Mindfulness is the act of becoming aware in the present moment, without judgement. The practice of mindfulness through mindful meditation can provide an opportunity to create mental space at bedtime and to help you feel more relaxed. Mindfulness can also help you to cope with negative thoughts surrounding sleep and to help you shift your focus to your body and to be present. This technique is easily accessible by downloading free apps or using beginner guided sleep meditation videos on YouTube. Other Minor Tips to Improve Your Sleep Journaling is an excellent release before bedtime, especially if you are an over thinker. Letting out the thoughts on paper and getting them out of your head will allow you to focus more on sleep and less on what’s on your mind. Invest in a good mattress. As mentioned earlier, we are going to spend about one third of our lives sleeping so why not ensure that we get the best sleep possible? If you are not in an ideal financial situation at the moment, perhaps investing in a proper mattress isn’t realistic. For you, I suggest buying a memory foam topper or just a mattress topper. This is an inexpensive way to improve sleep quality. Sleep and wake at consistent hours. Our super complex yet lazy brain loves to work off of routines so do your brain a favour and go to bed and wake up around the same time. This will make the process easier on yourself and will make you less likely to give up from frustrations of not being able to accomplish what you set out to. Do not, and I repeat do not, do any work or eating or anything in your bed besides sleep. The brain works off of associations so don’t confuse your brain into thinking your mattress is an office, movie theater, or a kitchen table. This is just the beginning when it comes to ways to improve your sleep, as solutions often depend on one’s specific sleep challenges. However, trying any of these tips can be beneficial as improving our sleep is crucial to improving our physical and psychological well-being. Best of luck on your sleep journey and sweet dreams. Written By: Erik Michalik, M. Psy Candidate, BASc, Edited/Reviewed by : Chantal Legere, M. Psy References Figueiro MG, Wood B, Plitnick B, Rea MS. (2011) The impact of light from computer monitors on melatonin levels in college students. Neuro Endocrinol Lett .; 32(2):158-63. PMID: 21552190. Stevenson, S. (2016). Sleep smarter: 21 essential strategies to sleep your way to a better body, better health, and bigger success . New York, NY: Rodale Books. Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels
Procrastination can be hard to fight against, as there are several causes or triggers for this behaviour. Here are ways to fight it!
What's the last thing you see before sleeping at night and the first thing you look for in the morning? If you answer "phone" this article is for you
By examining the cycle of procrastination, we can identify our own mechanisms that may be contributing to this behaviour. Learn more.
Ever get the feeling that you're not good enough at what you are doing? Or that other people are going to think that you're a phoney?
Individuals who struggle with perfectionism are more likely to perceive their self-worth based on how much they are achieving in life.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is a widely used approach in mental health care that focuses on the connection between thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. It may offer individuals valuable tools for managing stress and anxiety. By exploring how these elements interact, CBT aims to help people understand and modify patterns that contribute to their distress. The importance of managing stress and anxiety cannot be overstated, as these conditions can significantly impact overall well-being and quality of life. CBT addresses these issues by helping individuals recognize and change negative thought patterns and behaviours. Through cognitive restructuring and behavioural activation, patients can work on altering unhelpful thinking and engaging in positive behaviours. Cognitive restructuring involves identifying and challenging distorted thoughts, while behavioural activation encourages participation in rewarding activities to counteract depression and anxiety. These methods may empower individuals to handle challenges better and improve their mental health. Understanding how CBT can be integrated into personal care routines may benefit those seeking to enhance their psychological well-being. How CBT Addresses Stress and Anxiety Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) offers valuable strategies for addressing stress and anxiety. By identifying and challenging negative thought patterns related to stress, CBT helps individuals recognize how these thoughts can contribute to their stress levels. Techniques such as cognitive restructuring aim to change these stress-inducing thoughts, while behavioural interventions work to modify the behaviors that often accompany stress. For instance, someone overwhelmed at work might learn to break tasks into manageable steps and develop healthier work habits through CBT. When managing anxiety, CBT can be particularly effective in reframing anxious thoughts. Through techniques like exposure therapy, individuals gradually face their fears in a controlled manner, which can reduce anxiety over time. CBT sessions often teach coping strategies and skills that help individuals manage their stress in various situations, such as deep breathing exercises or structured problem-solving. The benefits of CBT for stress and anxiety include a better understanding of personal thought patterns and the development of effective coping strategies. This approach may offer long-term relief from stress and anxiety by equipping individuals with the tools to handle their challenges more effectively. Consulting with psychologists in Toronto can provide further insights into how CBT may support personal mental health goals. Consulting with a Psychologist Consulting with a psychologist for cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) can provide valuable support in managing stress and anxiety. During your first CBT session, you may discuss your concerns and goals with the psychologist, who will work with you to develop a treatment plan. This plan may include strategies to address negative thought patterns and behaviours contributing to your stress and anxiety. Finding a qualified psychologist in Toronto, such as those at Toronto Psychologists, can be a crucial step in accessing effective CBT. In summary, CBT may offer significant benefits for managing stress and anxiety by providing a structured approach to understanding and changing unhelpful thought patterns and behaviours. If you are considering CBT, consulting with a psychologist may be a helpful next step in finding personalized support and exploring how this therapy can work for you.
When an individual expects something to happen, many processes go on in our brains and bodies to meet these expectations.
Let’s put something into perspective here: each day consists of 24 hours. Of those, it is recommended that each person sleep approximately eight hours per night. According to these numbers, we spend one third of our entire lives asleep, yet for some reason the majority of us are choosing to ignore the importance of this inevitability. Sleep alone can improve our stress , memory functioning, alertness, mood, immune system, hormone functioning, and weight, to name a few. There are no quick fixes or super pills anyone can take for instant success but sleep is truly one of the closest natural aspects we can improve on in order to benefit almost EVERY aspect of our lives. So what can we do to improve our sleep? Define Your Why A recurring theme when deciding to make changes in our lives is defining our ‘why’. Any meaningful action requires meaning or purpose for it to be achieved. No matter how complex or simple it is, when you have a reason to do something, you are more likely to actually follow through with it. Remember to remind yourself why you want to focus on this area of your life. This will be particularly important when the going gets tough or if you fall victim of your previous routine way of functioning. Remember, meaningful change (in this case, sleep) does not happen overnight. Limit Blue Light Exposure Cutting out screen time before bed is one of the most effective ways to improve sleep quality. However, I’m fairly confident that most of you reading this will end the last moments of your night on a screen, whether it's a phone, computer, iPad, or the television. Throughout human evolution, humans evolved to be awake when the sun was up and to fall asleep when the sun went down. The problem with blue light specifically is that it has shown to stimulate the brain in areas that are active during alert day hours, disorienting the body’s natural preparation for sleep. Furthermore, blue light suppresses melatonin production (the hormone that makes you sleepy) and elevates cortisol (the hormone associated with stress ). Mariana Figueiro, PhD., found that two hours of screen time before bed displayed a suppression in melatonin levels in the brain (Figeuiro et. al., 2011). In fact, even when our eyes are closed, we have photo-receptors all over our skin that absorb light just as our retinas in our eyes would. Thus, having screens on anywhere around our sleeping areas is problematic. Tips to manage blue light exposure: Setting a screen time curfew Wearing blue light protective glasses Turn on blue light blockers on devices, i.e. phones and computers (f.lux and Nightshift are recommended for iOS users and Twilight for android users) Instead of watching TV, movies, or YouTube before bed, listen to a podcast or audiobook with the screen off or on sleep mode. Ensure your room is completely pitch black at night, with no lights on, curtains closed, and any technology still on should be covered. For those of you who sleep with a light on, it’s recommended to buy a red light for your bedroom. Not only do these look cool but red light on the visible light spectrum has been shown to have little to no effect on both melatonin and cortisol levels. This is hypothesized to be due to the fact that humans have evolved sleeping by fire throughout human history (Stevenson, 2016). Caffeine Consumption Before getting into what you can do to manage your caffeine consumption, let’s take a simplistic look at what caffeine actually does to the brain that impacts our sleep. During normal functioning hours, the brain slowly accumulates a chemical called adenosine that binds to receptors to slow down brain activity and make you feel tired. The longer you are awake, the more tired you feel. Where caffeine comes into play is that it is shaped very similarly to adenosine and it binds to brain receptors. When these receptors are blocked by caffeine instead of adenosine, this tricks the brain into thinking it's not tired. Caffeine has a half-life of about 6-8 hours. A standard cup of coffee has roughly 150g of caffeine in it. What this means is that after about 6-8 hours there is still about 75g of caffeine in your system. Therefore, the timing of your caffeine consumption is just as important as the quantity. With this being said, the best strategy involves setting a caffeine curfew in order to reduce the amount of caffeine in your system by bedtime. It is recommended to cut out all sources of caffeine approximately 8 hours before bed. This includes coffee, caffeinated teas, espresso, or any other source of caffeine. Change Your Mindset in Regards to Sleep Although the other two points mentioned will probably apply to most readers, this one was the most influential point towards improving my sleep. I associated sleep with a negative outlook, specifically with loss of time. I knew through research and extensive thought that if I was going to improve my quality of sleep I was going to have to change my mindset. That isn’t the easiest task, especially when you spend years of your life thinking you dislike something. Some things that I did that helped me with this was reinforcing my why . The more I thought about why I was addressing my sleep, the easier it became to desire wanting sleep. Once I slowly worked towards this, I found that my anxiety associated with loss of time began to reduce and I was able to associate sleep with a positive mindset. Meditate Mindfulness is the act of becoming aware in the present moment, without judgement. The practice of mindfulness through mindful meditation can provide an opportunity to create mental space at bedtime and to help you feel more relaxed. Mindfulness can also help you to cope with negative thoughts surrounding sleep and to help you shift your focus to your body and to be present. This technique is easily accessible by downloading free apps or using beginner guided sleep meditation videos on YouTube. Other Minor Tips to Improve Your Sleep Journaling is an excellent release before bedtime, especially if you are an over thinker. Letting out the thoughts on paper and getting them out of your head will allow you to focus more on sleep and less on what’s on your mind. Invest in a good mattress. As mentioned earlier, we are going to spend about one third of our lives sleeping so why not ensure that we get the best sleep possible? If you are not in an ideal financial situation at the moment, perhaps investing in a proper mattress isn’t realistic. For you, I suggest buying a memory foam topper or just a mattress topper. This is an inexpensive way to improve sleep quality. Sleep and wake at consistent hours. Our super complex yet lazy brain loves to work off of routines so do your brain a favour and go to bed and wake up around the same time. This will make the process easier on yourself and will make you less likely to give up from frustrations of not being able to accomplish what you set out to. Do not, and I repeat do not, do any work or eating or anything in your bed besides sleep. The brain works off of associations so don’t confuse your brain into thinking your mattress is an office, movie theater, or a kitchen table. This is just the beginning when it comes to ways to improve your sleep, as solutions often depend on one’s specific sleep challenges. However, trying any of these tips can be beneficial as improving our sleep is crucial to improving our physical and psychological well-being. Best of luck on your sleep journey and sweet dreams. Written By: Erik Michalik, M. Psy Candidate, BASc, Edited/Reviewed by : Chantal Legere, M. Psy References Figueiro MG, Wood B, Plitnick B, Rea MS. (2011) The impact of light from computer monitors on melatonin levels in college students. Neuro Endocrinol Lett .; 32(2):158-63. PMID: 21552190. Stevenson, S. (2016). Sleep smarter: 21 essential strategies to sleep your way to a better body, better health, and bigger success . New York, NY: Rodale Books. Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels
Location:
Yonge Eglinton Centre
2300 Yonge St., Suite 1600
Toronto, Ontario M4P 1E4
© All Rights Reserved. 2022. Dr. Stacy Lekkos.
Smart Site Design & SEO Services by Green Lotus Agency