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Helping Children Cope With Grief
Mary Zamil • August 6, 2020
Death is not something that can be dismissed; it is part of our life cycle. For children, it can be hard to understand the concept of death and can be overwhelming to feel various levels of grief. For parents, it can be difficult to navigate their children’s grief while also processing their own feelings of bereavement. It’s crucial to recognize that since children understand death differently than adults, their reactions to grief may also be different. Similarly, what they need to cope and become resilient after the death of a loved one also varies from what an adult might need.

Research has shown that there are several ways to foster resilience in children after the loss of a loved one. Resilience can be defined as “the ability to adapt well to adversity, trauma, or significant sources of stress” (American Psychological Association, 2011). Pizzolongo & Hunter (2011) note that the best way to foster resilience in young children is to promote protective factors that can help to buffer the negative effects of stress.
Below are some ways that you can support your child and foster resilience:
Model Behaviors
Whether we’re aware of it or not, children are always watching us. Allow yourself to show your feelings to your children and demonstrate ways in which you are coping with your own grief. By modeling these behaviors, children are encouraged to talk about their own feelings and learn new ways to regulate these emotions. Most importantly, taking care of yourself first will allow you to better support your child.
Develop Coping Skills
Acknowledge that your child will likely experience a range of emotions in response to grief and they will need guidance on how to cope with these feelings. Without learning how to regulate these emotions, children are likely to have outbursts of strong feelings, turn to unhealthy coping strategies as they get older, or avoid their feelings altogether. Therefore, introducing coping skills can assist children in developing emotional self-regulation, which can better prepare them to deal with stressful situations. Some emotion-focused coping skills for children include labeling their feelings, practicing breathing exercises, participating in physical activity, playing a game, engaging in yoga, playing music, watching a funny video, or using a “calm” kit (Morin, 2020). You can create a “calm” kit with your child by filling a box with items that engage their senses like a stress ball, good smelling lotion, a coloring book, or whatever else your child would like to add. This will allow your child to have the tools to calm their body and mind when they are feeling anxious, angry, or overwhelmed.
Retain Memories and Connection
Helping children retain memories of the person who has died allows them to feel connected. These connections can be maintained through spirituality but can also be done through planning regular activities aimed at remembering a loved one. Some ways to continuously remember a loved one could be looking at pictures, keeping an item which belonged to them, talking about them, or spending time in one of their favorite places. Ask your child for input on ways that they would like to regularly honor the memory of the person you’ve both lost.
Promote Family Support
A family's emotional state plays a crucial role in determining how a child will respond to a situation. When facing adversity, it’s incredibly important for families to stick together and demonstrate a supportive and safe environment, as the way in which families manage grief will influence all members. Recognize that each member of a family will grieve differently and establish a non-judgmental space where each member can grieve in their own way. Additionally, continuing a sense of routine within the family unit can help children feel a sense of control and security.
Unfortunately, we cannot protect our children from the pain that losing a loved one brings. However, what we can do is help children navigate the process of grief and feel safe. Recognize that each child will grieve in their own way and realize that grief is a continuous process. Be sure to have ongoing conversations with your child about how they are feeling, showing unconditional love and support. Most importantly, remember to check in with your own feelings and don’t be afraid to seek help if you’re feeling overwhelmed.
Written By: Mary Zamil, RP (Qualifying), M.A., B.A. (Hons)
Edited/Reviewed by: Chantal Legere, M. Psy. Candidate, B.A. (Hons) and Dr. Stacy Lekkos, C. Psych.
References
American Psychological Association. (2011). Resilience Guide for Parents and Teachers. www.apa.org/helpcenter/resilience.aspx.
Morin, A. (2020, April 3). Coping Strategies for Kids. Retrieved from https://www.verywellfamily.com/coping-skills-for-kids-4586871
Pizzolongo, P. J., & Hunter, A. (2011). I Am Safe and Secure Promoting Resilience in Young Children. YC: Young Children, 66(2), 67–69
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is a widely used approach in mental health care that focuses on the connection between thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. It may offer individuals valuable tools for managing stress and anxiety. By exploring how these elements interact, CBT aims to help people understand and modify patterns that contribute to their distress. The importance of managing stress and anxiety cannot be overstated, as these conditions can significantly impact overall well-being and quality of life. CBT addresses these issues by helping individuals recognize and change negative thought patterns and behaviours. Through cognitive restructuring and behavioural activation, patients can work on altering unhelpful thinking and engaging in positive behaviours. Cognitive restructuring involves identifying and challenging distorted thoughts, while behavioural activation encourages participation in rewarding activities to counteract depression and anxiety. These methods may empower individuals to handle challenges better and improve their mental health. Understanding how CBT can be integrated into personal care routines may benefit those seeking to enhance their psychological well-being. How CBT Addresses Stress and Anxiety Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) offers valuable strategies for addressing stress and anxiety. By identifying and challenging negative thought patterns related to stress, CBT helps individuals recognize how these thoughts can contribute to their stress levels. Techniques such as cognitive restructuring aim to change these stress-inducing thoughts, while behavioural interventions work to modify the behaviors that often accompany stress. For instance, someone overwhelmed at work might learn to break tasks into manageable steps and develop healthier work habits through CBT. When managing anxiety, CBT can be particularly effective in reframing anxious thoughts. Through techniques like exposure therapy, individuals gradually face their fears in a controlled manner, which can reduce anxiety over time. CBT sessions often teach coping strategies and skills that help individuals manage their stress in various situations, such as deep breathing exercises or structured problem-solving. The benefits of CBT for stress and anxiety include a better understanding of personal thought patterns and the development of effective coping strategies. This approach may offer long-term relief from stress and anxiety by equipping individuals with the tools to handle their challenges more effectively. Consulting with psychologists in Toronto can provide further insights into how CBT may support personal mental health goals. Consulting with a Psychologist Consulting with a psychologist for cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) can provide valuable support in managing stress and anxiety. During your first CBT session, you may discuss your concerns and goals with the psychologist, who will work with you to develop a treatment plan. This plan may include strategies to address negative thought patterns and behaviours contributing to your stress and anxiety. Finding a qualified psychologist in Toronto, such as those at Toronto Psychologists, can be a crucial step in accessing effective CBT. In summary, CBT may offer significant benefits for managing stress and anxiety by providing a structured approach to understanding and changing unhelpful thought patterns and behaviours. If you are considering CBT, consulting with a psychologist may be a helpful next step in finding personalized support and exploring how this therapy can work for you.
When an individual expects something to happen, many processes go on in our brains and bodies to meet these expectations.
Let’s put something into perspective here: each day consists of 24 hours. Of those, it is recommended that each person sleep approximately eight hours per night. According to these numbers, we spend one third of our entire lives asleep, yet for some reason the majority of us are choosing to ignore the importance of this inevitability. Sleep alone can improve our stress , memory functioning, alertness, mood, immune system, hormone functioning, and weight, to name a few. There are no quick fixes or super pills anyone can take for instant success but sleep is truly one of the closest natural aspects we can improve on in order to benefit almost EVERY aspect of our lives. So what can we do to improve our sleep? Define Your Why A recurring theme when deciding to make changes in our lives is defining our ‘why’. Any meaningful action requires meaning or purpose for it to be achieved. No matter how complex or simple it is, when you have a reason to do something, you are more likely to actually follow through with it. Remember to remind yourself why you want to focus on this area of your life. This will be particularly important when the going gets tough or if you fall victim of your previous routine way of functioning. Remember, meaningful change (in this case, sleep) does not happen overnight. Limit Blue Light Exposure Cutting out screen time before bed is one of the most effective ways to improve sleep quality. However, I’m fairly confident that most of you reading this will end the last moments of your night on a screen, whether it's a phone, computer, iPad, or the television. Throughout human evolution, humans evolved to be awake when the sun was up and to fall asleep when the sun went down. The problem with blue light specifically is that it has shown to stimulate the brain in areas that are active during alert day hours, disorienting the body’s natural preparation for sleep. Furthermore, blue light suppresses melatonin production (the hormone that makes you sleepy) and elevates cortisol (the hormone associated with stress ). Mariana Figueiro, PhD., found that two hours of screen time before bed displayed a suppression in melatonin levels in the brain (Figeuiro et. al., 2011). In fact, even when our eyes are closed, we have photo-receptors all over our skin that absorb light just as our retinas in our eyes would. Thus, having screens on anywhere around our sleeping areas is problematic. Tips to manage blue light exposure: Setting a screen time curfew Wearing blue light protective glasses Turn on blue light blockers on devices, i.e. phones and computers (f.lux and Nightshift are recommended for iOS users and Twilight for android users) Instead of watching TV, movies, or YouTube before bed, listen to a podcast or audiobook with the screen off or on sleep mode. Ensure your room is completely pitch black at night, with no lights on, curtains closed, and any technology still on should be covered. For those of you who sleep with a light on, it’s recommended to buy a red light for your bedroom. Not only do these look cool but red light on the visible light spectrum has been shown to have little to no effect on both melatonin and cortisol levels. This is hypothesized to be due to the fact that humans have evolved sleeping by fire throughout human history (Stevenson, 2016). Caffeine Consumption Before getting into what you can do to manage your caffeine consumption, let’s take a simplistic look at what caffeine actually does to the brain that impacts our sleep. During normal functioning hours, the brain slowly accumulates a chemical called adenosine that binds to receptors to slow down brain activity and make you feel tired. The longer you are awake, the more tired you feel. Where caffeine comes into play is that it is shaped very similarly to adenosine and it binds to brain receptors. When these receptors are blocked by caffeine instead of adenosine, this tricks the brain into thinking it's not tired. Caffeine has a half-life of about 6-8 hours. A standard cup of coffee has roughly 150g of caffeine in it. What this means is that after about 6-8 hours there is still about 75g of caffeine in your system. Therefore, the timing of your caffeine consumption is just as important as the quantity. With this being said, the best strategy involves setting a caffeine curfew in order to reduce the amount of caffeine in your system by bedtime. It is recommended to cut out all sources of caffeine approximately 8 hours before bed. This includes coffee, caffeinated teas, espresso, or any other source of caffeine. Change Your Mindset in Regards to Sleep Although the other two points mentioned will probably apply to most readers, this one was the most influential point towards improving my sleep. I associated sleep with a negative outlook, specifically with loss of time. I knew through research and extensive thought that if I was going to improve my quality of sleep I was going to have to change my mindset. That isn’t the easiest task, especially when you spend years of your life thinking you dislike something. Some things that I did that helped me with this was reinforcing my why . The more I thought about why I was addressing my sleep, the easier it became to desire wanting sleep. Once I slowly worked towards this, I found that my anxiety associated with loss of time began to reduce and I was able to associate sleep with a positive mindset. Meditate Mindfulness is the act of becoming aware in the present moment, without judgement. The practice of mindfulness through mindful meditation can provide an opportunity to create mental space at bedtime and to help you feel more relaxed. Mindfulness can also help you to cope with negative thoughts surrounding sleep and to help you shift your focus to your body and to be present. This technique is easily accessible by downloading free apps or using beginner guided sleep meditation videos on YouTube. Other Minor Tips to Improve Your Sleep Journaling is an excellent release before bedtime, especially if you are an over thinker. Letting out the thoughts on paper and getting them out of your head will allow you to focus more on sleep and less on what’s on your mind. Invest in a good mattress. As mentioned earlier, we are going to spend about one third of our lives sleeping so why not ensure that we get the best sleep possible? If you are not in an ideal financial situation at the moment, perhaps investing in a proper mattress isn’t realistic. For you, I suggest buying a memory foam topper or just a mattress topper. This is an inexpensive way to improve sleep quality. Sleep and wake at consistent hours. Our super complex yet lazy brain loves to work off of routines so do your brain a favour and go to bed and wake up around the same time. This will make the process easier on yourself and will make you less likely to give up from frustrations of not being able to accomplish what you set out to. Do not, and I repeat do not, do any work or eating or anything in your bed besides sleep. The brain works off of associations so don’t confuse your brain into thinking your mattress is an office, movie theater, or a kitchen table. This is just the beginning when it comes to ways to improve your sleep, as solutions often depend on one’s specific sleep challenges. However, trying any of these tips can be beneficial as improving our sleep is crucial to improving our physical and psychological well-being. Best of luck on your sleep journey and sweet dreams. Written By: Erik Michalik, M. Psy Candidate, BASc, Edited/Reviewed by : Chantal Legere, M. Psy References Figueiro MG, Wood B, Plitnick B, Rea MS. (2011) The impact of light from computer monitors on melatonin levels in college students. Neuro Endocrinol Lett .; 32(2):158-63. PMID: 21552190. Stevenson, S. (2016). Sleep smarter: 21 essential strategies to sleep your way to a better body, better health, and bigger success . New York, NY: Rodale Books. Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels
Procrastination can be hard to fight against, as there are several causes or triggers for this behaviour. Here are ways to fight it!
What's the last thing you see before sleeping at night and the first thing you look for in the morning? If you answer "phone" this article is for you
By examining the cycle of procrastination, we can identify our own mechanisms that may be contributing to this behaviour. Learn more.
Ever get the feeling that you're not good enough at what you are doing? Or that other people are going to think that you're a phoney?
Individuals who struggle with perfectionism are more likely to perceive their self-worth based on how much they are achieving in life.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is a widely used approach in mental health care that focuses on the connection between thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. It may offer individuals valuable tools for managing stress and anxiety. By exploring how these elements interact, CBT aims to help people understand and modify patterns that contribute to their distress. The importance of managing stress and anxiety cannot be overstated, as these conditions can significantly impact overall well-being and quality of life. CBT addresses these issues by helping individuals recognize and change negative thought patterns and behaviours. Through cognitive restructuring and behavioural activation, patients can work on altering unhelpful thinking and engaging in positive behaviours. Cognitive restructuring involves identifying and challenging distorted thoughts, while behavioural activation encourages participation in rewarding activities to counteract depression and anxiety. These methods may empower individuals to handle challenges better and improve their mental health. Understanding how CBT can be integrated into personal care routines may benefit those seeking to enhance their psychological well-being. How CBT Addresses Stress and Anxiety Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) offers valuable strategies for addressing stress and anxiety. By identifying and challenging negative thought patterns related to stress, CBT helps individuals recognize how these thoughts can contribute to their stress levels. Techniques such as cognitive restructuring aim to change these stress-inducing thoughts, while behavioural interventions work to modify the behaviors that often accompany stress. For instance, someone overwhelmed at work might learn to break tasks into manageable steps and develop healthier work habits through CBT. When managing anxiety, CBT can be particularly effective in reframing anxious thoughts. Through techniques like exposure therapy, individuals gradually face their fears in a controlled manner, which can reduce anxiety over time. CBT sessions often teach coping strategies and skills that help individuals manage their stress in various situations, such as deep breathing exercises or structured problem-solving. The benefits of CBT for stress and anxiety include a better understanding of personal thought patterns and the development of effective coping strategies. This approach may offer long-term relief from stress and anxiety by equipping individuals with the tools to handle their challenges more effectively. Consulting with psychologists in Toronto can provide further insights into how CBT may support personal mental health goals. Consulting with a Psychologist Consulting with a psychologist for cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) can provide valuable support in managing stress and anxiety. During your first CBT session, you may discuss your concerns and goals with the psychologist, who will work with you to develop a treatment plan. This plan may include strategies to address negative thought patterns and behaviours contributing to your stress and anxiety. Finding a qualified psychologist in Toronto, such as those at Toronto Psychologists, can be a crucial step in accessing effective CBT. In summary, CBT may offer significant benefits for managing stress and anxiety by providing a structured approach to understanding and changing unhelpful thought patterns and behaviours. If you are considering CBT, consulting with a psychologist may be a helpful next step in finding personalized support and exploring how this therapy can work for you.
When an individual expects something to happen, many processes go on in our brains and bodies to meet these expectations.
Let’s put something into perspective here: each day consists of 24 hours. Of those, it is recommended that each person sleep approximately eight hours per night. According to these numbers, we spend one third of our entire lives asleep, yet for some reason the majority of us are choosing to ignore the importance of this inevitability. Sleep alone can improve our stress , memory functioning, alertness, mood, immune system, hormone functioning, and weight, to name a few. There are no quick fixes or super pills anyone can take for instant success but sleep is truly one of the closest natural aspects we can improve on in order to benefit almost EVERY aspect of our lives. So what can we do to improve our sleep? Define Your Why A recurring theme when deciding to make changes in our lives is defining our ‘why’. Any meaningful action requires meaning or purpose for it to be achieved. No matter how complex or simple it is, when you have a reason to do something, you are more likely to actually follow through with it. Remember to remind yourself why you want to focus on this area of your life. This will be particularly important when the going gets tough or if you fall victim of your previous routine way of functioning. Remember, meaningful change (in this case, sleep) does not happen overnight. Limit Blue Light Exposure Cutting out screen time before bed is one of the most effective ways to improve sleep quality. However, I’m fairly confident that most of you reading this will end the last moments of your night on a screen, whether it's a phone, computer, iPad, or the television. Throughout human evolution, humans evolved to be awake when the sun was up and to fall asleep when the sun went down. The problem with blue light specifically is that it has shown to stimulate the brain in areas that are active during alert day hours, disorienting the body’s natural preparation for sleep. Furthermore, blue light suppresses melatonin production (the hormone that makes you sleepy) and elevates cortisol (the hormone associated with stress ). Mariana Figueiro, PhD., found that two hours of screen time before bed displayed a suppression in melatonin levels in the brain (Figeuiro et. al., 2011). In fact, even when our eyes are closed, we have photo-receptors all over our skin that absorb light just as our retinas in our eyes would. Thus, having screens on anywhere around our sleeping areas is problematic. Tips to manage blue light exposure: Setting a screen time curfew Wearing blue light protective glasses Turn on blue light blockers on devices, i.e. phones and computers (f.lux and Nightshift are recommended for iOS users and Twilight for android users) Instead of watching TV, movies, or YouTube before bed, listen to a podcast or audiobook with the screen off or on sleep mode. Ensure your room is completely pitch black at night, with no lights on, curtains closed, and any technology still on should be covered. For those of you who sleep with a light on, it’s recommended to buy a red light for your bedroom. Not only do these look cool but red light on the visible light spectrum has been shown to have little to no effect on both melatonin and cortisol levels. This is hypothesized to be due to the fact that humans have evolved sleeping by fire throughout human history (Stevenson, 2016). Caffeine Consumption Before getting into what you can do to manage your caffeine consumption, let’s take a simplistic look at what caffeine actually does to the brain that impacts our sleep. During normal functioning hours, the brain slowly accumulates a chemical called adenosine that binds to receptors to slow down brain activity and make you feel tired. The longer you are awake, the more tired you feel. Where caffeine comes into play is that it is shaped very similarly to adenosine and it binds to brain receptors. When these receptors are blocked by caffeine instead of adenosine, this tricks the brain into thinking it's not tired. Caffeine has a half-life of about 6-8 hours. A standard cup of coffee has roughly 150g of caffeine in it. What this means is that after about 6-8 hours there is still about 75g of caffeine in your system. Therefore, the timing of your caffeine consumption is just as important as the quantity. With this being said, the best strategy involves setting a caffeine curfew in order to reduce the amount of caffeine in your system by bedtime. It is recommended to cut out all sources of caffeine approximately 8 hours before bed. This includes coffee, caffeinated teas, espresso, or any other source of caffeine. Change Your Mindset in Regards to Sleep Although the other two points mentioned will probably apply to most readers, this one was the most influential point towards improving my sleep. I associated sleep with a negative outlook, specifically with loss of time. I knew through research and extensive thought that if I was going to improve my quality of sleep I was going to have to change my mindset. That isn’t the easiest task, especially when you spend years of your life thinking you dislike something. Some things that I did that helped me with this was reinforcing my why . The more I thought about why I was addressing my sleep, the easier it became to desire wanting sleep. Once I slowly worked towards this, I found that my anxiety associated with loss of time began to reduce and I was able to associate sleep with a positive mindset. Meditate Mindfulness is the act of becoming aware in the present moment, without judgement. The practice of mindfulness through mindful meditation can provide an opportunity to create mental space at bedtime and to help you feel more relaxed. Mindfulness can also help you to cope with negative thoughts surrounding sleep and to help you shift your focus to your body and to be present. This technique is easily accessible by downloading free apps or using beginner guided sleep meditation videos on YouTube. Other Minor Tips to Improve Your Sleep Journaling is an excellent release before bedtime, especially if you are an over thinker. Letting out the thoughts on paper and getting them out of your head will allow you to focus more on sleep and less on what’s on your mind. Invest in a good mattress. As mentioned earlier, we are going to spend about one third of our lives sleeping so why not ensure that we get the best sleep possible? If you are not in an ideal financial situation at the moment, perhaps investing in a proper mattress isn’t realistic. For you, I suggest buying a memory foam topper or just a mattress topper. This is an inexpensive way to improve sleep quality. Sleep and wake at consistent hours. Our super complex yet lazy brain loves to work off of routines so do your brain a favour and go to bed and wake up around the same time. This will make the process easier on yourself and will make you less likely to give up from frustrations of not being able to accomplish what you set out to. Do not, and I repeat do not, do any work or eating or anything in your bed besides sleep. The brain works off of associations so don’t confuse your brain into thinking your mattress is an office, movie theater, or a kitchen table. This is just the beginning when it comes to ways to improve your sleep, as solutions often depend on one’s specific sleep challenges. However, trying any of these tips can be beneficial as improving our sleep is crucial to improving our physical and psychological well-being. Best of luck on your sleep journey and sweet dreams. Written By: Erik Michalik, M. Psy Candidate, BASc, Edited/Reviewed by : Chantal Legere, M. Psy References Figueiro MG, Wood B, Plitnick B, Rea MS. (2011) The impact of light from computer monitors on melatonin levels in college students. Neuro Endocrinol Lett .; 32(2):158-63. PMID: 21552190. Stevenson, S. (2016). Sleep smarter: 21 essential strategies to sleep your way to a better body, better health, and bigger success . New York, NY: Rodale Books. Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels
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